if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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