Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
