guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
