don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
