i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
