if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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