the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
