When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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