My sheets look like a crime scene.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
