my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
