That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i out mim tonsoeep
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