someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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