Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
