**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
