During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
