I only kidnapped one of them. chill
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
