I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
where are my eyebrows?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
