Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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