If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
