I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
