dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
