yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
