youre lurking in front of me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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