Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
