he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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