My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
