I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
