Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
