I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
