apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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