ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
