It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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