You can't motorboat a personality
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
