thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
