She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
