i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
