She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
