If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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