i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
