i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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