Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
