White coat. Heels.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
