You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he just fucked me for my cheese.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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