Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
