I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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