They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
