i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.