My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
