Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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