she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
