If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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