How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sext me about skeletons
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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