I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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