I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
