dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
