i was born a porn star she said
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
