a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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