I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
