My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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